Okay, Merlin fans have just lived through a two-part episode in which Uther was married to a troll.

There were a lot of things to love about the second half of this episode--Merlin's smile, Arthur defying his father to save Merlin's life, the beginning to the split between Uther and Arthur, Arthur starting to come into his own as a GROWNUP BOY and the king we all knew we'd come to love some day, instead of spoiled Prince Pratface, did I mention Merlin's smile...

Despite that, I can honestly say that was the worst 84 minutes of television I've ever watched, and if I hadn't been watching it with someone, I might have got through part 1, but no way in hell would I have made it to the OMG HUGGING WTF WAS THAT at the end of part 2.

The "humor" in this episode was unspeakably horrible--setting aside that it just wasn't funny--fart jokes are not, in fact, the height of wit--it was so misogynistic that I actually checked to see if kripke had been involved with this episode (sadly, no). Fat people are dirty! Ugly women have to trick men into marrying them! Rape is hilarious, for a girl or a boy! If she's not beautiful, she's an "it!"

Toward the end of the cringefest, I realised what it reminded me of--Shallow Hal--and that might be why I hated it so much, instead of just being annoyed that yet another show felt the need to spend an hour and a half telling me how I am not human. Because when the girls at work wanted me to watch Shallow Hal with them, I said, "Watch Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow make fun of fat people for an hour and a half. Wow, uh, thanks, but no thanks?" and I was assured that this movie was, in fact, the opposite of that.

It is not. Shallow Hal is about fat acceptance like Joss Whedon is about feminism. Except worse.

And I wouldn't have been surprised at this coming from Supernatural. In fact, if we had this exact same episode next week it wouldn't stand out at all. But I wasn't expecting it from Merlin, and I feel like I got a little blindsided by that.

Title: Lucky Knickers Will Get You Everywhere.
Authors: hija_paloma and franticsga
Rating: (here our authors disagree: they wouldn't show this on HBO, so I give it an NC-17.)
Disclaimer: I'm sure there's a happy, wonderful universe where this fic has occurred and might occur again, but it is not this one.
Notes: Yeah, what she said. This was written ages ago, and I blame the entire thing on Fellow Fangirl Bradley James for being no less ridiculous than this story.
Description: "That's it, then? No other burning questions you've been dying to ask about my sex life, you pervert?"
Yes, Bradley thinks, and says, "No." I need to know what else you do, what else you like, and if you think maybe you could like it with me. "I think that's everything for now."

It occurs to me, I have to specify here: this is Merlin RPS.

Subject line from an email I sent this morning but it feels kind of perfect for this post. I offer... no apology or explanation, because what could I say that would make this better?

(Also, yes, I am aware that Dean's personification of the Impala as female is problematic at best, and misogynistic at worst. Uh, sorry. In my defense, there is no vampire bukkake.)

Once, in the Future: for Monkey, SPN/Merlin crossover, Dean/Arthur w/ Arthur/Merlin and just a hint at Dean/Castiel, NC-17, depressingly spoiler-free (although, for those who care, this is set post-Lucifer Rising). All characters herein belong to the CW and, uh, nearly 2 millenia of British legend. You've come a long way, boys. Technically, I suppose Will belongs to the BBC.

(Nobody gets my jokes.)

Okay so--this isn't about Seattle, it's about Merlin. Whatever.

So you know how everyone bitches because this isn't how the story's supposed to go?

And you know how everyone and their grandmother is writing reincarnation fic? And it's always a little bit off, like Morgana's Merlin's sister or Hunith's Arthur's math teacher or Uther's a dog or whatever?

What if this--the BBC's Merlin--isn't their first time around? What if what we're watching is reincarnation fic?

Well there's my deep thought for the day.

So... I'm making a rec? I think I even remember how to do this.

I'll start with this: Even if you're not in this fandom, this is a very very good story.

The story is Warlock, by aftertherain. It is nominally slash, Merlin/Arthur, although not explicitly so (the only touching at all takes place in shared dreams OH HEY THERE ARE SHARED DREAMS IN THIS FIC) and the focus is very much not on the romance so much as the relationship, which is... complicated.

The tl;dr version of why you should read this: Arthur discovers that Merlin is a sorcerer, has him imprisoned, uses him for a weapon, and sets him free. It is the story of how Arthur learns to become king and so much more than that.

( I'm having a hard time articulating why I loved this story without blathering on, so behind the cut: blather. )

...it seems like making recs used to be a lot shorter and less involved. Maybe I have forgotten how to do it.

Dear Merlin Fandom,

Oh my god. You know who is totally fat? Bradley James. No, I know! It's crazy how he walks around looking like a totally normal person, pretty standard 20-something white guy, and yet he is somehow secretly a giant fucking whale, only noticeable when he is wearing eleventy jillion pounds of armor and padding. He must be taking lessons from David Hewlett or something, amirite?

( Cut for MORBID OBESITY. )

It's come to my attention that sometimes, people don't REALISE they're fat unless we ridicule and shame them, so I have a super-awesome idea. Let's make sure to mention in every single fic we write about how Arthur is fat, or Bradley is fat, or they were fat as babies, or they're fatter than Colin Morgan/Merlin but he loves him anyway blah blah JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE.

It was bad enough in SGA, and David Hewlett actually has, like, fat cells in his body. Keep it up in Merlin and I'm relegating you ALL to Gossip Girl fandom.

DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT.

subtitle: holy shit, a fannish post!

So, you guys remember that show I'm Totally Not Watching, right? (By the way, more of you need to join me in Not Watching this show, I'm looking at you, Doola.) Anyway.

( Merlin, meta, many mumbling mice are making midnight music in the moonlight--mighty nice. )

So, this morning I read a bodyswap fic, followed by a time loop fic, and I finally realised what the deal is here.

This fandom of mine, right, the show has essentially two heroes with a supporting ensemble cast. Hero 1 is a dark-haired, slightly awkward slender man with ridiculously elfin ears and shockingly pretty eyes, who is very charming but hiding a huge secret that could get him killed. Hero 2 is a fair-haired, muscular man with a strong jaw and, of course, shockingly pretty eyes, who is abrasive and arrogant but fiercely loyal to and protective of his people. They are both very smart and very brave, though each usually chooses to exhibit only one of the two traits (except in front of each other). They have an inappropriately close relationship, considering their social environment.

There are strong roles for women, although the show has (to date) failed to do anything too impressive with them, which is kind of a shame, but does leave the door open for about a bazillion fics in which the women do, you know, interesting stuff. Although there are some implied romantic overtones on the show, no female character exists as the love interest of a male character, and frankly, none of them seem all that interested.

The show is set in a beautiful city, in a time and place far from where we live now, and because of an ancient deus ex machina, magic is possible. Again, leaving the door open for a bazillion fics in which--well, if you can imagine it, you can justify it. Time travel and AUs are canon. Also, monsters.

Basically, the only difference between SGA and Merlin is that this time, Rodney's the prince and John's the wizard.

So yeah, Doola, I think you need to watch Merlin, and I think if you like SGA, you'll like Merlin (just remember: it's an AU Camelot), and apparently I'm really, really slow to realize the obvious.